Ash Wednesday Eve
I don't want to be like this but somehow I can't help it. "Patience, Grasshopper. You must learn to walk the rice paper ." "But I want it now! Give it to me now! " I've worked so hard, and yet the opening does not come. I make it difficult for my friends because I cannot simply be happy for them when they beat me. Is this original sin? It feels so petty, not big enough to be evil, just a three-year-old's temper tantrum. Grow up, already! I am but a child and cannot seem to put away childish things. It's the same feeling of frustration that one had when one was three and one could not control things the way that one wanted. An illusion, being an adult: that it is possible to be in control. But I've learned to do so many things in these 41 years; how is it that it is so easy to be 3 years old again? I want a different character, one that is happier and doesn't take things so hard. But this is the one God gave me. Is it some kind of joke...