Facere Quod In Se Est*
It sounds like such good advice: “Just do the best you can.” It is the implications that are somewhat worrying. Yes, it’s the beginning of the tournament year, and I’m back where I was in July, wondering what the point is. Okay, so one of the reasons that I lost that pool bout 4-5 was because my weapon failed on the last touch and my parry-riposte, clear as day to look at, did not register on the box. (My opponent remised, and there we were.) What was I doing letting things get to 4-4 in the first place? Well, I had been behind 1-4 and come back, but never mind. I lost the last touch because I did not know how to clean my tip properly, and that, plus one thing and another (both of my other weapons failing because the body cords were loose and so my attacks registered nothing but off-targets), I only won 3 of my 6 pool bouts, putting me in the middle of the field (16 out of 32) for the D-E round. And then I lost my D-E to the girl who had seeded 17th. So there I was sitting at the...
Dear F.B., In response to your wondering (and setting aside the grammar of your question) yes and no: Everyone your age (and those a few years your senior, but still virile) does/do think almost 'all the time' about death. A random, unscientific sampling of selected individuals in this age group indicates that the little bandwidth remaining is taken up with a) mortgage payments b) college tuition c) why the Yankees can't win even with a $210M payroll and d) sex. And not necessarily in that order.
ReplyDeleteI see you are in competition with Job as to who has developed the better set of 'friends.' Red Bear's ruminating that your writing would make anyone miserable is, like, way wrong. The ruminations of F.B. are always interesting and thought-provoking, sometimes somber, occasionally poignant, but never misery-inducing.
Glad to know I'm not alone in thinking so much about death. I've wondered whether it was more an effect of age or of my father's dying, although as a writer I also wonder whether it's further exacerbated by the sense of time being so fleeting when there is so much to learn.
ReplyDeleteRe: Red Bear's concern. I'm happy to hear that Fencing Bear is on balance more somber and poignant than misery-producing. My mother and some of my students have commented (privately, not on particular posts) that they find some of FB's ruminations hard to read, but I am convinced that it is as important to write about her (my!) struggles as it is to provide advice.