“Patience, Grasshopper"

Okay, so I've proven to myself that there is actually time in the day for writing that I didn't believe I had.  Now, when does the brilliant prose start flowing?  'Cause, you know, I'm already getting a little tired of these meta-posts about writing.  For goodness' sake, it's already been two whole days.  Where's my Muse?  Where's my deathless prose?

I'm waaaaaiiiiting!  Nope, not coming to me.  Nada.  I don't believe that this is going to work.  Anymore, let's be fair, than I was confident about cutting down on the carbs.  Sure, it sounded great in theory, but who had months and months and months to spend counting carbs?  Oh, right, me.  And, yes, guess what, it's working.

Soooooo....  Do I give this writing thing enough time to start having an effect?  Or do I toy with it for a day or two, decide that, exhilarating as it is, it won't work, and simply go back to my cycle of procrastination and bingeing?  That doesn't sound very promising either.  What to do?  What to do?

Of course, I could do what Prof. Boice suggests, and start using my "found" writing time for things other than free writing here on my blog.  Like taking notes for the sermon that I need to write for Sunday after next.  Or making outlines for the conference responses I've been asked to give.

But that still feels like too big of a step.  I'm scared.  Sure, I can free write for twenty minutes and come up with something (almost) grammatical to say.  But can I really think real thoughts in such short a span of time?  Is twenty minutes enough to develop a real idea?

I know what it is.  I am scared of spending my writing time doing something that doesn't actually contribute to my writing.  I am scared of watching my writing go down the black hole of everything else that I do as a scholar that, as much time as I give to it, simply disappears.

Sure, I could start taking notes, but I do that all the time for class, and all I have to show for it are four four-drawer filing cabinets full of notes.  Which I can hardly list on my c.v.  And I have read and read and read in my field, so it really isn't as if I am not informed about the conversation.

But.  None of that apparent prewriting ever issues in actual prose.

I'm scared.