Milo Below 34th Street

Milo was a bit later than usual going live last Friday night, and it wasn’t (just) because he wanted to wind up his boss. He was late because somebody had punched him on the way to the studio, and he needed a bit more make-up than usual to hide the (minimal) damage. Seriously, if he hadn’t said anything, nobody would have known.

Wait. Hold that thought. Somebody punched Milo in the face—and, to the best of my knowledge, got away with it. Punched him in the face. And got away with it. As Milo described it, he made the mistake of going south of 34th for dinner, where a weedy soy boy trying to show off to his girlfriend started shit and ended up taking a swing at him as Milo was leaving the restaurant. That the damage was not greater, Milo asserted, was because “liberals punch like 5-year-olds.” And yet, he was punched. In the face. In PUBLIC. By a total stranger.

To be fair, Milo stood his ground at first, then attempted to walk away without punching back while the man continued to clip him from behind. At that point, Milo confessed, he started to run, telling himself, “I have a family. I have step-children. I have a life. It’s not worth it.” He took refuge in an expensive hotel, where his assaulter had not the courage to follow him, after which he was able to make it to the studio in time to start the show only a half-hour or so late.

All well and good, right?

You tell me. How is it good that Milo cannot go out in public without risking actual bodily harm? How is it good that some random man felt obliged to punch Milo in the face? How is it good that being punched in the face for being a recognizable public figure has become simply part of daily life? How is it good that Milo, who has never advocated for anything other than making fun of liberals and their ilk, should not be able to walk the streets of New York without fear for his physical safety?

I confess, I am struggling. It is certainly a good thing that Milo has the self-control not to retaliate against an opportunistic nobody with the impulse-control of a child. And it is a good thing that the man was such a poor hitter, even egged on (as he seems to have been) by the presence of a woman he wanted to impress (insofar as he could). But...where were the by-standers? This is New York we are talking on a Friday night, below 34th Street or not. Where were the outraged restaurant patrons? Where were the police? (Silly question, I know.) Where were the men? Milo may be over six feet tall and godlike, but even he can be hurt. How is it that nobody tried to help him? Or mediate?

I am thinking like a woman. I get it. Milo, on the other hand, thinks like a gentleman. And gentlemen do not hit back at weedy soy boys, however annoying they are. Gentlemen think of their families and other responsibilities. Gentlemen do not let themselves be drawn into fights just because they have been hit. Gentlemen know when to walk away—and when to run.

Women, on the other hand, want men to fight.

Think about it. The man who punched Milo was not on his own. As Milo told it, he was with a woman (I am assuming “girlfriend” means “woman”), with the implication that she had recognized Milo and urged her man to say something to him—to “start shit,” as Milo put it. Perhaps she fed her boyfriend some lies about how Milo “hates women” (I have seen even erstwhile Milo fans claim as much; his enemies all believe it unthinkingly). Perhaps she reminded him about Milo’s tweets about Leslie Jones. She couldn’t have known much about Milo if she did, but then the hate out there on Twitter about him has no basis in reason.

And so her soy boy boyfriend was obliged to fight a gay man in order to impress her.

The mind boggles.

Perhaps this is not how it started. Milo did not elaborate, nor does the attacker seem to have taken to social media to brag about his conquest. Can I confess that I am a little disappointed? I have been searching Twitter since Friday night, looking for something, anything to get truly riled up about, but all that I have found is fairly low-level not-even-trolling, just the usual background noise of Twitter claiming Milo doesn’t matter any more even as they can’t stop talking about him. What happened to the good old days when every day brought a new outrage to write about? Oh, wait...

Milo has been telling me for ages now that I must get back to my proper work as a historian (I have been, it is just slow going at the beginning of a new project), not let myself get sucked into meaningless internet tit-for-tats like some other academics one might name. He said as much when I was on his show several weeks ago, but he had been insisting on it for months. I cannot tell you the number of times he has told me (I paraphrase), “DO NOT take the bait, however tempting it might be. Remember who you are. Remember your responsibilities.” Exactly as he told himself when he jogged away from his attacker the other night.

Milo is enough of a woman (a.k.a. gay man) to relish the fights he has taken on with feminists (including male feminists) and other feminine-types, but he is enough of a man to know when to stop and get on with more constructive activities like writing books about how to build families and how not to fall into sin. Sure, he could have ended up back in the news if he had taken a swing at his assaulter, but for what? The thrill of being the center of the media’s attention? A few more clicks on his social media sites?

I know, as a woman, I thrive on this kind of attention—but Milo doesn’t. Milo knows the difference between a battle worth fighting and a battle over girl shit like, I don’t know, a call for papers that I shouldn’t even acknowledge I have seen. Do I need to mention it was written by a woman, calling for her academic colleagues to go after a gay man so as to destroy his career? There I have already said more than I should have. Would you like me to give you the links?

Milo knows better. Milo wants me to stop. Better, Milo wants me to run.

I had planned in this post to talk about what Milo said on his show for New Year’s about the importance of service and his own sense of noblesse oblige, but I couldn’t find the fire; I wanted to be describing the tit-for-tat of a fight.

No wonder gay men find women so tiresome.

All the men want is their dinner; it is women who keep picking the fights.

Want the full story of what happened in 2016-2019? Milo Chronicles: Devotions 2016-2019 is now available in hardcover on Amazon and direct from the publisher at Castalia House. You can follow Milo’s continuing efforts to get me back in the library at MILO Chronicles. Watch Milo live every Friday night at 8:30 pm EST (Diva time) on Censored.tv.