Time to Rant

Right, this is it.  It's been over four weeks since my surgery and I still can't see.  Read: I still see faces across a room as blurs, mouths as gaping black slits and eyes as smudges in-between more blurs.  I'm afraid to drive even though my doctor insists that my vision is as good as it needs to be to pass a vision test.  And after spending Thursday and Friday riding on airplanes, presumably drying my eyes out to some extent, I can't even read comfortably any more.  This sucks.  And it's all my fault.

For what?  For wanting to see without needing corrective lenses?  For imagining that I could be free of the barrier that had always been there between me and the world since I was seven?  I'm scared and frustrated and angry and have only myself to blame.  For being impatient.  For not researching this procedure properly before having it done.  For trusting the description of the recovery process that my doctor gave me.  But then, since he is saying that I am taking longer than average to heal, he didn't misrepresent the experience as such, it's just that I am stuck with more to cope with than, e.g. my fellow vestry member, who told me Wednesday that when she had her PRK thirteen years ago, she could see perfectly more or less from the moment that she got up from the chair.

One day I'll heal.  One day I won't be stumbling over the greeting that I am supposed to give newcomers to our church because I can't see my text clearly.  One day.  But not today.  And probably not tomorrow.  Or the next day.  It's been four weeks.  Ah, great, if I cry I can see the screen clearly (sort of).  Maybe I should just cry from now until I can see.

Comments

  1. Thomas William JensenFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:28 PM

    A suggestion: consider seeking a second opinion. Make sure the physician is board certified (usually not a requirement for practice) and not a colleague in business association with the eye surgeon who performed the surgery. Some questions to consider: what are the ranges of healing times for the procedure, how are they related to satisfaction with the outcome. Also, discuss worst case: suppose your vision doesn't improve, what alternatives are there and, if they're surgical, when should they be performed. This is not to discourage you from continuing to work at being optimistic. However, at the minimum it should aid your peace of mind and patience and, if necessary, put you on the road to taking a proactive role in taking further steps should that be necessary. That alone should be worth the consultation fee. Good luck! Esperance!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fencing BearFebruary 21, 2011 at 1:47 PM

    Thanks, Thomas! Alas, I think that the surgeon who did my procedure is probably the one that other surgeons go to for second opinions. He's been doing this surgery for twenty years, has had tens of thousands of patients, has been given numerous awards for his work developing the procedure, and has been cited regularly as the authority on the procedure. He is also one of three primary physicians in the United States who trains others in the procedure. It's one of the reasons I ended up with PRK rather than LASIK: he is very conservative in going for PRK over LASIK because he has so much experience with the outcomes. I think I just have to be patient.

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