I suck. One of my coaches* has been trying to get me to learn to change lines with my attacks, which means, for the moment, practicing holding my arm and hand in a much higher on guard than I am comfortable with. It also means, as I learned last night at practice, that I have next to no game left at all. Which sucks. I cannot tell you how much. For months, since sometime in February or March , for the first time in my eight years of fencing, I felt like I had a game. Okay, so not all of my attacks landed in the way that I hoped, but I had learned (finally, finally, finally, thank God!) how to asses what I was doing during a bout, think about the mistakes that I had made, and try something different: change distance, change tempo, feint, set up an attack. I was fencing , God dammit! Fencing. Really and truly fencing. And, let's not forget, enjoying myself. It's all gone. All of it. I am back in the Pit, staring a...
thanks for writing!
ReplyDeleteI believe it is we who should be thanking you, FB, for sharing so much in a thoughtful and engaging style. In particular, you capture the struggle for discerning worth and gaining satisfaction in a way that resonates with, well, me, at any rate.
ReplyDeleteUltimately I believe even our restlessness will be redeemed; or, rather, we shall behold that for which we were yearning without having been able to describe it. In the meantime, the manner in which we handle our doubts and disappointments--how we struggle with whether we are, in fact, the people we should be--has a very large part in shaping our characters. The daily plodding of life 'counts.'
Your open, indeed, vulnerable recounting of how you approach that daily challenge has been instructive and encouraging to me, and, I suspect, many others as well. There's also a fun side to the FB, which is why it is always eminently worthwhile visiting here time and again. Best wishes for your continued success (yes, success).
[Big grin] It's been a pleasure, really, and an honor having readers like you. Fencing Bear is very much looking forward to sharing her further adventures with you this next year!
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