Credo ut intelligam
It is difficult to describe the crisis I have been living through these past several weeks. The drawing by my office door Short version : Don’t call out the Devil if you aren’t ready to bout . Alternative short version : “Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this world? Hath not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” —1 Corinthians 1:20 There has been much bitterness. There have been feelings of betrayal. There have been feelings of being lied to while watching people whom I thought were my supporters fall away. Friends warn me about overreacting. At which I overreact. “Academic freedom means nothing if the faculty do not stand up for it.” I believed that. Someone whom I have trusted my entire academic career told me that. I still believe it—but do my colleagues? “Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from insanity.” I heard someone say that recently on his livestream. Someone whom my friends tell me I s...
Dear F.B., In response to your wondering (and setting aside the grammar of your question) yes and no: Everyone your age (and those a few years your senior, but still virile) does/do think almost 'all the time' about death. A random, unscientific sampling of selected individuals in this age group indicates that the little bandwidth remaining is taken up with a) mortgage payments b) college tuition c) why the Yankees can't win even with a $210M payroll and d) sex. And not necessarily in that order.
ReplyDeleteI see you are in competition with Job as to who has developed the better set of 'friends.' Red Bear's ruminating that your writing would make anyone miserable is, like, way wrong. The ruminations of F.B. are always interesting and thought-provoking, sometimes somber, occasionally poignant, but never misery-inducing.
Glad to know I'm not alone in thinking so much about death. I've wondered whether it was more an effect of age or of my father's dying, although as a writer I also wonder whether it's further exacerbated by the sense of time being so fleeting when there is so much to learn.
ReplyDeleteRe: Red Bear's concern. I'm happy to hear that Fencing Bear is on balance more somber and poignant than misery-producing. My mother and some of my students have commented (privately, not on particular posts) that they find some of FB's ruminations hard to read, but I am convinced that it is as important to write about her (my!) struggles as it is to provide advice.