Why I am not a cat person

The f*cking cat did it again.

A few years ago, I can't remember quite when, but it was sometime in the autumn, probably October, I had the clever idea that it might be possible to keep the dog from eating the cat poop by buying one of those top entry cat boxes that keep dogs out and yet let cats in to do their business.

Almost immediately, the cat stopped pooping.  Then peeing.  Or so it seemed.

What really had happened was that the cat started peeing in the corner of the back room in our apartment, well away from the traffic, so it was days before I could figure out what was going on.  The cat seemed fine, even though (to judge from her litter box) she wasn't peeing, so I didn't take her to the vet.  I just kept waiting to see whether she would a) seem sick, or b) start using her litter box again.

She never did.  When I finally found where she had been peeing, the rug in the back room was soaked.  I tried cleaning it with all of the various pet odor removers we had--and the colors all promptly ran.  I sprayed it with various "cat away" scents, all to no avail.  The cat refused to use the taller litter box, even when I took the lid off.  And she would not stop peeing on the rug no matter how I de-scented it.

Finally, we called in the carpet cleaners.  They cleaned the rug.  I threw out the new cat box and bought another one to replace the old one that I had already thrown out.  The dog was able to get at the cat poop again, and the cat stopped peeing on the rug.

Or so I thought.  It's bad enough when the dog pees on the rugs, but at least with a dog, you have some hope of explaining why peeing in the house is bad.  You can't train a cat.  You can't even scold them.  I hate cats.  And the rug is soaked with cat pee again.

In case you're wondering: yes, I'm sure it was the cat.  That room has a dog gate to keep the dog out.  And, no, I haven't killed the cat, just saturated the rug with yet more odor remover and covered it with a plastic rug runner spiky-side up that I bought for exactly this purpose the last time the cat decided to boycott her litter box.  But the cat had better remember that I am the one who feeds her.  Or else.


  1. How sad to be a disliked pet: poor thing. I feel bad for your cat that she somehow gets the blame for your dog's shit-eating ways. And I hope someone in your household loves her.

    Also, if your dog's superiority to the cat is, in part, predicated on the idea that she understands the concept of bad or forbidden behavior, who don't you teach the dog not to eat shit in the first place?

  2. I must say that you are making an awful lot of assumptions here: a) that I am the only one in the household from whom the cat might receive affection; b) that I do not, in fact, show the cat affection; c) that I have ever, in fact, made it clear to the cat that I am frustrated with her or even yelled at her; d) that we do not yell at the dog or try to discipline her in any way when she eats the cat poop.* Did it ever occur to you that maybe I blogged about this precisely so as NOT to take it out on the cat?

    By the by, you may remember that I was the one who insisted that we take the cat to the vet on Christmas day precisely because I was the one that was worried about her.

    *We do, but if we chase her to make her drop it, she just hides under the bed with it. Shit is easier to clean off the wooden floor in the dining room (which is where the dog eats it if we don't chase her) than cat piss is to get out of a wool rug. If I had been in a better mood when I wrote this post, it would have been a comic tale of the cat and dog conspiring together to make sure that the cat got the kind of litter box she preferred and the dog still got to eat the poop. So f*cking shoot me for losing my temper just a little bit. I have already paid over $200 to have the rug cleaned the first time this happened. Want to help me out so as to save the cat from my blogging?


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