Too Good To Be True
Argh! I knew it, it was too good to be true. Optimists may have it better in terms of how they feel about life, the universe and their place in relation to everything, but pessimists are actually more accurate about how things stand. Sigh. No wonder I thought that I was doing so well on that "how optimistic are you?" quiz: pessimists, according to Seligman, tend to have a more realistic picture of their ability to control things, likewise to have a better memory about their failures and successes. So, am I right about all of the things that I've been feeling so down about--my prospects for promotion, publishing something people will actually want to read, making a difference in my field/profession--or am I just telling myself the wrong story? Perhaps more important: does it matter?
I like the ebb and flow of your comments. You put forth raw honesty. I liked your St. Martin's Day comments as well as your latest recantation. A seven year curse which lasted from dawn and throughout the day was recently lifted. A friend of mine used to say: you spend your day getting over your mornings, then you start again. I wake up every morning now as if a curse has been lifted. I know neither the cause nor the removal, but I've started dedicating my life to people. I thought my life was already dedicated to people, but I'd hidden too much of it in things I called books and assignments and deadlines. Now I've given my life to others, and I get more accomplished than ever. Ideas like optimism and pessimism have had too domineering an influence over my life. I've wanted to know the camp I should be in to see the most reality. All along, I should have taken Eliot more seriously: "There is, it seems to us, At best, only a limited value In the knowledge derived from experience. The knowledge imposes a pattern, and falsifies, For the pattern is new in every moment And every moment is a new and shocking Valuation of all we have been."
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting your "vulnera" on the page.