Fencing Bear at Prayer

Guess what? You can't. They're already there. Whatever you can come up with to say, "Look, this is why I am upset with your behavior and the way you have been interacting with me," they will be there first, telling you how they are working on things and you should stop badgering them and putting them on the spot. Even if you've known about their drinking for years, going on decades, without having said anything (although they often assume that you have because they know you know and are there to accuse you of trying to shame them before you even open your mouth). Even if you've heard from people close to them about how they've come home drunk, wrecked cars, missed appointments, gotten into fights, and have never said anything (out of cowardice, not wanting to interfere, feeling yourself part of the problem). They will be there to tell you that you are the one with the problem because "can't you see I'm busy trying to save my life and my ...

Argh! I knew it, it was too good to be true. Optimists may have it better in terms of how they feel about life, the universe and their place in relation to everything, but pessimists are actually more accurate about how things stand. Sigh. No wonder I thought that I was doing so well on that " how optimistic are you? " quiz: pessimists, according to Seligman, tend to have a more realistic picture of their ability to control things, likewise to have a better memory about their failures and successes. So, am I right about all of the things that I've been feeling so down about--my prospects for promotion, publishing something people will actually want to read, making a difference in my field/profession--or am I just telling myself the wrong story? Perhaps more important: does it matter?

I have no idea what happened other than that I've been continuing to read Martin Seligman's book on learned optimism , but I haven't felt depressed in days. It's like a miracle, truly. Maybe it is just a mood. But maybe, just maybe it's actually a real change. For days now, I've been willing to believe that maybe all those stories that I used to tell myself about how everything that went wrong was my fault were, well, stories and that I don't need to believe them anymore, and it is like a cloud has lifted off of my life that I wasn't even aware was there. I'm not saying this well, but maybe that is to be expected when a whole new world opens out in front of one. I feel so happy. So light. So able to get things done. I even wrote the first of those letters of reference today. And I had a great conversation with one of my students about how to answer that video . And I have learned that, indeed, reading my blog has been of help to one of my f...

Maybe it's the sunshine. Maybe it's being more or less on schedule with my reading for class this upcoming week. Maybe it's having my keyboard clean and my laptop's operating system reinstalled so that I don't get the Spinning Beachball of Death every time I start trying to type.* Maybe it's sitting here on the porch with my husband watching the Dragon Baby frolicking in the leaves. Or maybe it's reading more in Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life (New York, 1998), but I really am feeling better. More optimistic, even. Not so much yesterday when I started reading Seligman's book. I took his "are you depressed?" quiz and nearly maxed out (40 points out of 60, with over 24 points being in the danger zone for "severely depressed"). Apparently, I should be seeking professional help now. Like right now. As in yesterday. It's amazing I haven't killed myself. Or maybe I jus...