Fencing Bear at Prayer

"A tendency towards addictive behavior is a personality style.  People with addictive personalities tend to be perfectionist, obsessive, black-and-white thinkers who approach life in an all-or-nothing manner.  Moderation does not come naturally--if a little is good, more must be better.  People with addictive personalities also tend to be escapist, fleeing from discomfort through obsessive distraction or self-medication. "An addictive personality predisposes you to addiction, but it isn't all bad.  Some aspects are quite positive.  Think of all the interesting and talented people in public life who had to deal with alcohol or drug problems at some point.  The same single-minded focus that made them vulnerable to addiction contributed to their brilliance and success.  Both are manifestations of the addictive personality style--in one case it works for them, in another against them. " Addictive patterns similar to the diet-binge cycle can appear in m...

Guess what? You can't. They're already there. Whatever you can come up with to say, "Look, this is why I am upset with your behavior and the way you have been interacting with me," they will be there first, telling you how they are working on things and you should stop badgering them and putting them on the spot. Even if you've known about their drinking for years, going on decades, without having said anything (although they often assume that you have because they know you know and are there to accuse you of trying to shame them before you even open your mouth). Even if you've heard from people close to them about how they've come home drunk, wrecked cars, missed appointments, gotten into fights, and have never said anything (out of cowardice, not wanting to interfere, feeling yourself part of the problem). They will be there to tell you that you are the one with the problem because "can't you see I'm busy trying to save my life and my ...