Fencing Bear at Prayer

Since returning from the tournament mid-month, after the end of classes : Papers graded and commented on: 16 Fellowship applications reviewed: 6 Books read in preparation for Vestry Retreat: 2 (one assigned by Rector) Articles read in preparation for Mellon discussion next week: 3 Books read in preparation for new course starting next week: 2 Books read for review: 1/2 (started on way to tournament, finished December 23) Communion breads baked: 13 (one batch) Syllabi written from scratch: 1 Items scanned in preparation for new course: 19 Movies watched on iPad while scanning items for new course: 6 (this took two full days) Chicken Ranch (1983, documentary) The Lord of the Flies (1963, movie of the book)  Best in Show (2000, mockumentary--with dogs!) Bottle Shock (2008, based on a true story)  How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (1967, movie of the Bob Fosse musical) From Prada to Nada (2011, "a Latina spin on Jane Austen's Sense...

You know how they say people come to resemble their pets? Well, then there's me and the Dragon Baby... We're both nervous when meeting new people . She barks; I, well, sometimes I might bark a little bit. Or try to be more impressive than maybe I feel. Neither of us likes loud music . She tries to run away; I just feel anxious and wish I were somewhere, anywhere else. Which means, you guessed it, we're not going to Lollapalooza this week. Oh, well. We both like games of reflex . She, balls that she catches in mid-air; me, hitting people with pointy sticks. Same game, really. We both like concentrating really hard on things that other people might find insignificant, like bugs, or obscure Latin texts. We can concentrate for hours and hours and..." Squirrel! " Oh, okay, maybe not hours. We're both stubborn and constantly testing the limits of the rules that others have set. Of course, I'm right when I want us to walk or for her to keep ou...

1.  Even after three carloads of stuff (clothes, linens, books) cleared out in just this past month, not to mention the multiple carloads we've donated in the past two years (yes, it's taken that long !), our apartment still has more stuff in it than when we moved in, nine years ago. Quite a lot of the stuff that we've been giving away we brought with us (not counting my son's outgrown clothes and toys), so where did all the rest come from?  It's like it just grew here.  Or walked in on its own.  I certainly don't remember buying it.  Or did I? 2.  I have plenty of clothes. Over the years, I have had more than enough money to buy more than enough clothes, even enough money to buy fairly expensive clothes. To judge from the clothes that I actually wear, I look best at the moment in deep blues, purples, greens and black. 3.  Back in the 1990s, before it sold out to the beauty fascists, Yoga Journal used real people in its asana layouts as well as...

Fencing my pools in my first event (Vet WF) just right, keeping focused and not taking any outcome for granted, knowing that it was going to be difficult to win every bout, thinking about how I had fenced my opponents the last time (there aren't that many of us; most of the time we have fenced each other before at some point) and using that knowledge to think about how to fence them that day. Helping my friend stay focused during her first NAC competition in two and a half years after she injured herself. Helping her watch her opponents and think about one thing at a time that she could work on. Being able to explain to her what happened in her last bout so that she didn’t beat herself up for not fencing it as well as she would have liked. Learning something during almost every bout (except that last one ), including how to make a preparation in epee (woohoo!!! You have no idea how big this is for me, almost as big as being able to follow my coach's instruction; see next ...

I had to pee--badly. She kept rushing at me. I couldn't hit her with anything.  Not even when I tried rushing her back. The ref didn't see my parries.  Or, at least, what I thought were my parries. I didn't take my coach's advice. I rushed. I lost my game--and my point control. I had gone into the bout seeded above her. Worse, it was my first time ever coming out of the pools in Div III WF seeded in the top 32 (at 31 out of 89; she was 34th--before our bout). I knew she hadn't been fencing very long because my coach said she knew her. I felt overconfident. I felt underconfident. I couldn't figure out what I needed to do. I let her control the tempo.  And the distance. I kept pulling my arm back, even on my attacks. I was afraid of her blade. I wanted to play it cool, search her out, set up my attacks properly, but she didn't give me time. I let her fluster me. It didn't feel like fencing. I didn't just lose.  I w...

1.  Go to church 2.  Go grocery shopping 3.  Do laundry (including folding it) 4.  Read for class this week 5.  Play with the Dragon Baby 6.  Convince myself that doing what I feel passionate about rather than what I feel like I should be doing is in fact doing what I should be doing and that I do not have to spend the rest of my life eating cold oatmeal .

A short list of some of the things that I have books (and blog posts) about "how to", as well as I can remember without looking at the shelves: Do yoga Fence Write Teach Overcome creative blocks ( lots of Julia Cameron here) Do calligraphy (the real reason I study medieval history?) Knit Cook Read tarot cards Be happy Do mehndi Garden Practice centering prayer Have great sex (!!!) Do feng shui Write comic books Do chakra work Love what is Eat (like a French woman, thin person, slim person) Write poetry Draw Home decorate Train a dog Blog (actually, no, I tore that one up) Write romance novels (just ordered) Do witchcraft (mostly from college, mostly unread; I'm not sure Terry Pratchett counts) Play chess Study history Improvise Compete

Beliefs that date back to 1850 (give or take a decade or so) that proverbially belong to an earlier era: 1. The code of chivalry 2. "Feudalism" as a method of economic exploitation 3. Yoga as system of breathing and postures for the integration of mind, body and soul 4. The Ages of Faith 5. The battle between science and religion 6. The battle between Church and State 7. Blacksmiths as craftsmen with near-magical powers 8. Witches as goddess-worshipers 9. Believing that the world was flat 10. Papal infallibility in the pronouncement of doctrine 11. St. Thomas Aquinas as the teacher of Christian doctrine 12. Religion as something that you feel rather than understand and that should be relevant and accessible to the "common" man 13. History repeats itself I have proofs for all of this (or know the bibliography that proves it), but why should I show my sources when everybody is convinced that these things have always been true "whatever the sources ...

I want to be able to wear pink, lace, lipstick and/or high heels if I feel like it. But I do not want to feel like it is either wrong or obligatory to wear pink, lace, lipstick or high heels simply because I am a woman. I do not want to be fat and/or out of shape. But I do not want to feel like I need to be rail thin and/or perfectly sculpted in order to be beautiful. I want to be paid the same amount as the men who do the same level of work that I do. But I do not want to be expected to do the work in exactly the same way if I feel that there is a more appropriate way for me to approach the problem. I want to enjoy watching "chick flicks" and reading Shopaholic if I am in the mood. But I do not want to be expected to like something simply because it is written by and/or about other women. I want to feel free to wear a veil over my hair if it is cold outside or the scarf goes with my outfit or it feels appropriate in context, e.g. a mosque or a church. But I do not want...

1. Diaries, journals 2. Personal letters, emails 3. Blogposts 4. Newspaper columns 5. Journalism, creative non-fiction (including popular science, travelogues, essays for Harper's or The Atlantic , memoirs like Eat, Pray, Love ) 6. Academic writing, humanistic (art and literary criticism, history, philosophy, theology) 7. Academic writing, social scientific* (sociology, economics) 8. Academic writing, scientific (mathematics, biology, physics, chemistry) 9. Legal briefs and papers, legislation, specifications 10. Business or administrative memos and reports 11. Computer programs (scripting, html, coding) 12. Screen plays, plays 13. Advertising copy 14. Sermons, political speeches, papers given at conferences 15. Self-help advice 16. How-to manuals (sports, crafts, spiritual exercises, cookbooks, computer manuals) 17. Letters of reference (yes, a genre all of their own) 18. Reference (dictionaries, encyclopedias, textbooks, travel guides) 19. Poetry, including so...

4:29pm "Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb." 1. Caffeine , usually as English Breakfast tea with milk but sometimes as a mocha latte. I have periods every so often when I insist on drinking only herbal, in order to control the headaches, but eventually I get sucked back in. 2. Chocolate , especially Vosges, but Ritter Sport will do as well. I get Vosges as special treats, around St. Valentine's Day and Mother's Day. At least, I used to. Long story, maybe for another day. 3. Having things tidy , particularly at the start of projects or when I'm feeling anxious about my work generally. 4. Tootsie Rolls (not really chocolate). I went through bags and bags and bags of these candies the last time I stopped smoking, back when I was pregnant. I stayed hooked for a good five or six years. 5. Checking my email , especially bad back when my university first started using webmail...

Things that I have learned about myself since consciously devoting myself to the service of Mary : 1. I feel better if I eat a diet higher in protein and fat and lower in carbohydrates, especially bread and candy. Thanks to the Diet Solution , I understand why. Which just goes to show, it is not always a mistake to follow those Facebook ad links. 2. I feel more limber and relaxed if I do the Sivananda yoga routine , rather than Ashtanga or Rodney Yee. I think that it is because the Sivananda routine focuses more on breathing first, rather than simply as a part of the asana practice, but as all I've been doing the past couple days is the warm-up and the sun salutations, I think there is something in the structure of the practice that helps me, too. Ironically enough, this is the practice with which I began my study of yoga two decades ago and from which I somehow declined, despite doing classes in all sorts of styles (Om Yoga, Ashtanga, Anusara, Forrest). 3. It is ridiculous ...

Some things that I am having trouble getting my head around about taking proper care of myself: 1. I feel better if I don't eat bread...cake, cookies, candies, and anything else that gives me a massive carbohydrate-sugar hit. 2. There is no such thing as a perfect schedule. 3. Just because I can't do something (yoga, blog, fence) every day doesn't mean it is not worth doing at all. 4. I don't have to find a way to feel good about everything because there isn't one. 5. It is okay to want to take care of myself even if it means I don't get as much work done. 6. Not everything has to happen at once. It is enough to change one small thing at a time. 7. Doing God's will is easy. It is fighting it all the time by telling myself that I should be in control that is hard.

Or, "What My Husband Taught Me to Think About During the Bout after Watching Me Fence at Summer Nationals" 1. There's no rush. 2. Try to figure them out. 3. Do to them what they most like to do to you. 4. Learn something from each bout. 5. Breathe! 6. Come home in one piece. Thanks, love! I couldn't have done it without you.

Badminton rackets and birdies, for playing badminton together Towels and washcloths to match the color scheme in our new bathroom (blue, red, gold, white) Bubble bath bombs (with sparkles, in various scents) Fuzzy house slippers, ideally in pink (for her) "Gateway to the North Maple Sugar Seasoning" (house mixture from the Spice House ) Plasir Cuffs (oh, use your imagination ! But only in the best possible taste...)

5:36pm By elevator ready to leave mommy's office for home. Ride elevator down to lobby, walk outside and pee (which, by the by, you haven't done since about 12:30pm, so not bad on the housetraining front). Sniff every several feet along the front of the building, occasionally making more than a few steps' progress before stopping. Make it to the middle of the quad only to see a) another dog, b) some birds, c) two little girls who at first are nervous but then want to "pet the puppy." Jump back and forth in play bows barking, but don't get near enough to the girls to be petted. Move a few more steps, stop and watch yet another dog. Somehow make it out of the first quad into the main part of campus, stop to sniff some students' feet (but not to be petted), poop, then chase more students. 5:49pm Leave campus, sort of (not the best road crossing, some dragging necessary not to get caught in the traffic, mild though it usually is). Start chasing bicyc...

Age: 6 months minus a day or so. Vocabulary "Sit!" Knew this one at 2 months, but still a little slow. Tends to want to know you're serious before committing to butt-down. "Down!" Still working this one with food treats, but will go down on her tummy with just the finger-tap to the floor with mommy standing up, which is huge progress from having to slide under mommy's leg while she (mommy) was sitting down. "Inside!" Used (with food treat) when you want to pick her up to carry her back upstairs/indoors. Was supposed to be a command that encouraged her to come, but works nicely if you walk towards her. She will usually sit still waiting for you, sometimes move a bit towards you if she especially wants the treat. Very important for being able to get to class on time if you happen to have taken her outside on campus and she's frolicking in the quad. "Rope!" Used (without food treat) when you're walking down the hall in the a...

Sour : Waking up at 4:38 am with a charley horse in my left calf, possibly from doing the touches on my target at home these past few days without warming up my en garde properly. Sweet : Being awake early enough to review the text for today's discussion, along with revising my discussion notes and PowerPoint slides, all before 9:30am.* Sour : Having no way to take a shower at home, as the workmen are still laying the tile in our bathroom. Plus, we have no faucets yet. Or shower head. Sweet : Being able to wash my hair in the kitchen sink under the new faucet , which is tall enough to enable me to rinse my hair out simply by bending over. (Plus it has a built-in filter for drinking water.) Sour : Having the puppy poop and pee on the floor of my son's bedroom--again. Sweet : Finding her following me down the hall with her "rope" already in her mouth, rather than having to tell her to go get it so that she would stop "herding" my feet. Sour : Having to car...

Okay, so another week has passed and I still haven't managed to get myself to start working on those book reviews. But. No, not excuses, just but...I have started to take a few baby steps in the right direction towards, well, I'm still not sure about the book reviews, but maybe, just possibly getting out of this slump. 1. My puppy now understands "down" and tonight at puppy class we started working on "stay." 2. I have scheduled those meetings with my colleagues. 3. I read over the editor's suggestions on that paper and made the corrections that she asked. 4. I reviewed that article for the journal on whose editorial board I serve. 5. I wrote several letters of reference for my graduate students. 6. I graded that senior thesis. 7. I reviewed that research proposal I was asked to referee. 8. I have done my 300 touches/day for three days now with the new target that I have set up at home. 9. I scheduled my son's doctor's appointment so t...

That is, come in third in C&Under Women's Foil at the Illinois Divisional Championships today, thus qualifying for both Div II and Div III at Summer Nationals this year! Some of the things that may have helped me fence as well as I did 1. Walking home yesterday from campus with my puppy and my husband, and meeting one of the other Cardis who live in our neighborhood in the park. (You try watching two Cardis at play and not end up with a smile on your face!) 2. Checking my weapons properly last night, including cleaning and retaping several blades as well as weight-testing all of my foils. 3. Watching The Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) with my family while I was cleaning my tips. 4. Waking up at 6am to take my puppy out for her morning toilet, spending some time listening to the birds and reflecting on what a beautiful day it looked like it was going to be (and was!). 5. Leaving home early enough to have time to get lost on the way to the venue, listening to Jethro Tull on the ...